Monday, August 8, 2011

First Love Never Dies

I am such an idiot.

It was a pleasure talking to this man from my past. It was a bittersweet conversation that had me wiping my tears. I was able to tell him something that I have been keeping as a secret in a long time. I just had to tell it to him because another day of hiding it and talking to him as if everything is okay is like killing myself. Or so I thought it was. I told him now and here I am, lifeless. Not literally, or else I wouldn't be here narrating my stupidity.

I feel like floating on a sea of uncertainty. I am trying to keep my head up, pretend that I am okay and yet I am drowning inside. Could it be? Yes, it is. I am still in love. I didn't tell him that I love him... I am not that stupid. It's the admission that I did something wrong in the past that confirmed the feeling and I hate it. 

I hate the fact that 'first love never dies'.

I hate the fact that after all these years, I still love him!

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XOXO
JOANNE

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