It's Holy Week and I succumb myself into watching the television with my son. I have to take this opportunity to spend the long vacation with him because I have a really busy schedule. Yesterday's show was about the 7 Last Words, the first word of Jesus Christ is what really brought me into deep reflection.
Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. (Luke 23:34)
A married couple shared about their struggles in life. The husband was a drug addict, philander, and plainly irresponsible father. For ten years the wife endured everything but her faith and trust in the Lord did not falter. One day, the wife's prayer was answered. Her husband completely turned his back away from his old ways and sought the Lord's hands for healing.
What struck me about the couple's story is the wife's commitment to their marriage. Yes, her husband drifted away from them but she remained steadfast and loving. She was ready to forgive and forget everything for the sake of love and her vow. And in everything, there was God.
I remembered when I was starting a new life with a fiance eight years ago. Before we committed to living together, we used to go to church to receive God's blessing. We didn't marry and we both agreed to that. What we had was a vow that we will never leave each other. We started off just fine but when I became pregnant, he began drifting away from me. It was not easy. I would receive news about him doing things. There came a point wherein he doesn't sleep in our house for days. There were times wherein I would prepare dinner only to find out that he will not come home. I would ask him his whereabouts but he won't answer. It was a mental torture for two years until our son was born. There were nights I would just cry myself to sleep while praying that he will come home and be like the way he used to be. But, he did not. We parted ways without even discussing what happened between us.
After years of contemplating and insisting on myself that I was not at fault, it was only yesterday, through the couple's sharing that I realized that I, too, have broken my commitment to the relationship. I knew he was in trouble and he didn't know what he's doing but instead of me understanding and reaching out for him even more, I, too, drifted away.
Have I forgiven him? I have, but the pain is still there. It took me years to forgive the man I used to love and it's not easy to forget the many years of my life spent with him. I pray to God that one day, He will completely heal my heart from the pain of the past. I know that God will help me pick up the broken pieces without me hurting. I pray that one day, in God's perfect time, we'd see each other again without hurting but with only words of forgiveness and acceptance that there are things that are not meant to be because God has better plans.